


Salad Son

by Hydrowolf391



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions, Pocket Monsters: Black 2 & White 2 | Pokemon Black 2 & White 2 Versions
Genre: Don't Ask, I promise it's a joke oh my god, IT'S A JOKE, Just don't, Other, if you ask I will kill you in your sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 10:57:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydrowolf391/pseuds/Hydrowolf391
Summary: N has a son. It is made of leaves, like him. It is a salad.





	Salad Son

He sees you eating a salad. He wants his offspring back.  
“Give me my son” he is yelling.  
You run from him, salad in tow. He sprints after you.  
“GIVE HIM BACK!" His voice has risen to a scream.  
No, you think, this is MY salad.  
“GIVE ME BACK MY BABY BOY” he is yelling  
You trip and fall. Before you can get back on your feet, he is upon you.  
"Return my child," he snarls. Terrified, you shove your salad into his hands.  
"S-Son!" He begins hugging the salad.  
He walks away, cradling the salad, and shoots a venomous glance backward at you.

~ ~ ~

A knock at the door. "Not now dad, I'm feeding my son."  
A muffled "what?" came from outside.  
"I said I'm feeding my son!" N called again.  
Confused silence. Then footsteps. He had left. N happily continued shoving baby food into the leaves of his son.  
Hours later came another knock. N tiptoed up to the door of the darkened room and opened it to see Anthea and Concordia waiting outside, concern painting their faces.  
"Ghetsis said you were........feeding your son?" said Anthea. "Yeah! But be quiet--he's sleeping now"  
The two girls looked at each other, even more concerned.  
"Who's your son?" Concordia asked.  
"I...suppose I'll let you see him. But be quiet." N said, retreating back into the room  
"Someone tried to kidnap him earlier. It was horrible. The poor thing is probably traumatized," he said as he led his adoptive sisters through the room and to a crib.  
"Here he is!" N proudly announced. Anthea and Concordia peeked into the crib.  
Resting among a nest of blankets lay a bowl of salad.  
They said nothing. There was nothing to say.  
"A-Ah," Concordia squeaked. "H-He's beautiful," Anthea added.  
N beamed proudly as the two scuttled out of the room in fear.  
They pressed themselves to the wall outside the door. "He's gone mad."  
"Completely nuts."  
N remained in the room, looking down at his sleeping child. He reached down and caressed the moist leaves.  
He bent and planted a kiss on the bowl. "I love you, son."  
The salad remained asleep.  
And so N crawled into his own bed and fell asleep just as the door opened once more.  
The Eelektross slithered in and up to the crib. It took a second to stare at what was inside. A salad? The Pokémon didn't want to question it.  
It gripped the bowl in its mouth and darted back out.  
Ghetsis stared down at his new grandson as his Eelektross dropped it on the floor.  
He took a deep breath. "Eelektross, I told you to get the child." Eelektross pushed the bowl closer insistently.  
"What do you mean this is it?"  
He sighed. "No, that can't be right. I guess I'll get it myself." With that, Ghetsis swept out of the room and into N's. He walked up to the crib and looked down. Nothing in it. So Eelektross had retrieved its contents... But he knew N was smart, he knew that he'd hide the child.  
Ghetsis scuttled around the room, looking under every piece of furniture and shuffling through every nook and cranny. Nothing  
"Dad?" said a sleepy voice. N was awake.  
"HMM WHAT I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS," Ghetsis stammered. N stared at him.  
"Okay," he said, and fell back asleep.  
Ghetsis let out a relieved breath and returned to his room.  
Eelektross stared at him with an 'I-told-you-so' expression as he shut and locked the door behind him.  
"This can't be it. I couldn't find anything else but this can't be it."  
"Hmm. Shadow Triad!" He called. The three ninjas appeared before him.  
"Search the entire castle for any sort of child. And don't retrieve any leafy greens. Go."  
The trio glanced at each other and disappeared.  
Hours later, the three returned. Two empty-handed, one holding a raw chicken.  
"I found one," said the latter.  
Ghetsis looked down at the dripping chunk of meat. "Ah."  
The ninja dropped the chicken onto the floor (with a cringeworthy splat) and the trio vanished again.  
Ghetsis sat back, rubbing his temples. "I'm surrounded by idiots."  
A scream erupted from a nearby room  
"WHERE IS MY SON"  
Startled, Ghetsis shoved the salad into his cloak just as N burst through the door.  
"Where. Is. My. Child." N growled.  
"What child?" Ghetsis said. "The only children I know here are my Gheggs and this raw chicken."  
"Oh he's about this tall"--N demonstrated with his hands--"really cute, and looks just like me."  
"...Haven't seem him."  
N turned to leave, but then his nose twitched. "Wait. He's here--in this room. I can smell him."  
Sweat formed on Ghetsis's forehead and dripped down into his eye. "I assure you that you are very much mistaken. There is no one here."  
"You know something." hissed N.  
Before Ghetsis could make a retort, N lunged forward and ripped away his cloak. Out fell the salad. N stared at his father, shocked.  
"M-My son! You did have him!"  
Ghetsis threw his hands in front of his ghesticles (he wore nothing beneath the cloak) in embarrassment. "No I didn't. I don't how how that got there," he snapped.  
N eyed his erect ghipples suspiciously. "Right." He picked up the salad, inspected it, and left.  
"I can't believe he tried to take you!" N vented to his leafy son.  
The salad remained silent.  
"His own grandson! What an asshole!"  
Ghetsis sprinted after N, having covered himself up with only a bikini.  
N turned and eyed his father. "Nice outfit."  
The man snatched the salad from N's clammy little hands. "I'M TAKING CUSTODY OF IT, BITCH!"  
He ran. N stood no chance of catching up. Within seconds, his only family--being his son and father--was gone.  
He fell to his knees and screamed to the sky, tears cascading down his cheeks. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

\- YEARS LATER -

 

Ghetsis laughed as Kyurem roared and froze everything in the area. "You're ready. Now, Kyurem, cover all of Unova in ice!" Kyurem obliged, readying itself for another attack.  
A burst of flame slammed into the frozen dragon, sending it staggering back. The attacker glided in on white wings and landed. Its passenger slid from its back.  
"So you came. The freak without a human heart--N!" Ghetsis said.  
N placed his hand on Reshiram's neck reassuringly and stepped forward.  
"Reshiram told me Kyurem is suffering. I can't allow that."  
Ghetsis grinned.  
"Fusion Flare!" N commanded. Reshiram raised its wings and began gathering flame above its open mouth.  
"Hah! You wouldn't harm your dear old father!" Ghetsis taunted.  
"This time I will show no mercy."  
"Oh? Even if I had........THIS?"  
Ghetsis reached into his cloak and swung an item out for N to see.  
N gasped, staggering back.  
"N-No...."  
The salad rested in his father's hand, a bit moldy but a salad nevertheless.  
"S-SON!"  
He lunged forward, but Kyurem stepped over to block his path.  
Ghetsis cackled. "Yes! Your beloved son! He's been with me all along!"  
N brought his hand to his mouth. He felt sick. All this time....  
"HOW COULD YOU?!" N screamed.  
Ghetsis just continued laughing.  
"Reshiram, retrieve my baby boy!" Reshiram blinked in confusion for a second, then leapt toward Kyurem. It clamped its jaws around the other dragon's neck and swung it, sending it crashing into the nearest wall. Icicles and rocks fell from the ceiling.  
N ran forward and tackled his father, sending the salad flying from his hands.  
"NO!"  
He leapt to his feet to attempt to catch his son, only for Ghetsis to grasp his leg and trip him.  
The salad crashed to the ground, shattering the bowl and scattering the leaves.  
N stiffened. His hands shook. Tears formed in his eyes. He stood and kicked Ghetsis's hand away from his leg, silent.  
N stared down at his father, fury lighting his eyes. "You're going to regret being born."  
Ghetsis's eyes widened.  
N kicked the man's face, shattering his eyepiece and breaking his nose.  
"Reshiram," he said. Reshiram paused from its brawl with Kyurem and returned to his side.  
"...Vore him," N commanded.  
"NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!" shrieked Ghetsis as Reshiram ate him whole.  
N bust a nut because that was kinda sexy.  
He walked over to what remained of his son.  
Tears dripped onto the salad's rotting leaves. Reshiram walked up to him and gazed upon the greens, muffled screaming still emanating from its belly (N, while sad, continued nutting).  
The white dragon gently breathed a flame onto the corpse. The salad slowly burned, leaf by leaf.  
"Goodbye, my son..." N sobbed.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> You're welcome.


End file.
